you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
