just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
