I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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