Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
