Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
