i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
