You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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