you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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