just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
