Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
