Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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