did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
