So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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