you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
