i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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