I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
