And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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