we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So squirting runs in the family.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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