Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
