My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
