Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize