): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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