I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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