I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
