I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
