My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
