Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
