Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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