I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
