I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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