ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
