i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
