I want to have your abortion
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
