roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
