Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
