I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
