Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had sex on a roof
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
