you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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