She is in my trunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
