Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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