Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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