yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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