If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
