You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
