This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
