There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
