So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
