My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
