wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
