why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
