Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish I only lived at night.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
