the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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