Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
