I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
