if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
