Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
